Last Minutes of Sunday II

I find myself writing in the last minutes of another Sunday.
I think it's the wrapping up of the previous week and the enormous potential for the upcoming week that inspires me to click my way to this page.

But perspective.
I want to say something about that because recently I have lacked perspective. I have looked down at my life and come away unsatisfied.
I see the numerous posts and pictures of friends at other colleges. I see posts of adventures friends here at my school that failed to invite me.
I compare my life to others and become ungrateful. Depressed. Unsatisfied.
I don't realize what I have.
My life is incredible.

I have a few close friends. Sometimes I feel the need to reach out for more.
That's all I need, though.
Then I start thinking that years from now, who cares about the others? The few are the ones that matter.
Why should I try to reach out and establish new relationships, give my time to others.
And that is because joy must be spread, be experienced, and multiplied.
Love must vibrate through the air.
Laughter must soak into our skin.

Life needs to be enjoyed. In the present. In the now.

Not later. Not in the future when I am older. I need to find the joys in everyday.

That being said, I need to see where I lack joy in my life. I should not do because I think I should.
I should do because I WANT, CRAVE, YEARN to do.
Can I break those bridges though?
Am I strong enough and wise enough to see the rusting bridges?

Last Minutes of Sunday

It's 11:24 p.m. Little more than half hour left of Sunday.
Sundays whisk by you without more than a glance. You protest the morning sun one moment and wish for it as it darkens and Monday is creeping up.
Today was quite a splendid Sunday.
I had a couple usual life talk with friends. Usual because they find their way into my life everyday.
Life talks?
Basically, talks about my indecision about life and my major.
I'm a Math major.
EWWW is what you're thinking. I don't necessarily agree...most of the time.
Biology. Biology can lead to animals and physical therapy. Biology doesn't seem so ew.
Except when you consider the amount of schooling involved for some of my dreamt of professions.
EWWWWWWWW.

You know what? It doesn't matter. He will lead me down the path I should go. I certainly, certainly have no idea where I am going. Recently he's been nudging me ever so slightly. I can't tell yet. More to come.

Just around the river bend.

Rainy Saturday

What a wonderful day.
Did anything out of this world happen? Any FANTASTIC?
No, but it was a good, good day.
A target shopping trip with my mom started my day. We wandered joyfully.
A most needed phone call from a best friend brought a smile to my face.
A football game with friends was spent.
And a horrible movie and an episode of Modern Family was watched with friends across the hall.
And now I am in a cozy blanket about to head to bed.
Not too shabby.
Thanks, Lord.

Rainy Monday

Mondays seem to be the worst day of the week.
End of the weekend.
Beginning of the week.
Work.
Homework.
Tests.
Exams.
School.

You know what, though? I like Mondays. They are itch with potential. Anything can happen this week, be it good or bad.

This particular Monday it rained. As I sat sipping a Chai Tea Latte waiting for a friend to join me for lunch, I watched hunched shoulders after hunched shoulders trudging through the rain.
Not one seemed to be having a good Monday.
If any one of them had stopped, paused, and realized how refreshing the rain was, how it whisked away the humidity, and how it brought a clean start to week, they just might have smiled.

Nothing particularly extraordinary or wonderful happened today.
But it was a day. A delightful day in which I relished in moments of smiles and laughter.

It was a Rainy Monday.

Brokenness

Today, like other days, I feel broken.

I feel weak against all the forces of the world bearing down upon me. 

True, I am a college student. What do I have to worry about? I'm living the good life! 

I am. I am truly, truly blessed.

Moments of weakness and loneliness can bring me to my knees. 

Only in times of true broken do I realize what I have.

I have the most amazing best friend in the world. 

Picking a title

I have written a couple paragraphs now. You can't see them because I have deleted them again and again. It's because with every decision that I must make comes dreadful indecision. 

I have a hard time making decisions. It's always been that way.When it came time for me to choose a college, you can imagine how I struggled. I'm still wrestling with which major to choose. As pathetic as it sounds, indecision has brought me to tears. It's frustrating. 

My saving grace is running. 5:30 am. 

I'm the crazy person only few driving past see in the early hours of a summer morning when regular teenagers are either sleeping in or grabbing precious minutes of sleep before they are jolted awake for work.

8:00 am. Monday through Friday. Like every other college kid I had work.

At first I thought there was no way I could get up early to run. All through July I was right. 

Then, one morning in August I stumbled out of bed, blindly reaching for my running shoes. 

When I made it outside I could barely see.The sun had not even woken up yet. I grumbled and started off towards Centennial Park. 

As the sun woke up along my run, I began to wake up too. I awoke to what I had been missing for the past month: the beauty of God's creation, the chill of the morning air, the power in my legs, the smoothness of the pavement, the good mornings of the birds, the wary eyes of the little chubby bunnies, the rain. 

Rain isn't the most popular weather forecast or people's favorite thing. It's cold, wet, annoying, dreary, and inconvenient. Running has made me realize just how much I love the rain. When the forecast says rain, I can't help but smile. If I can't run, then I dance or twirl in the rain! 

I'm not an English major or one who's particularly gifted with using metaphors, but I like to try to think of my life as running in the rain. Just like everyone else, I have pain, struggles, battles, and I get beaten down. I don't want to spend my life just looking at that though. I want to go out, experience it, and enjoy it! I want to notice my life!! I want to soak in everything and not miss a single second!!!

But, the only way I can truly do that is to let go.

Let go of my petty worries.

Let go of my insecurities.

Let go of my doubts.

Let go of my indecision.

Let go.

Let God.

And run in the rain.